numero once [deux] .

But maybe. just maybe. days weren't so bad. When i'm by myself, i feel like the world is against me, but at other times, late late at night, i don't feel so lonely. Maybe its one of those miracles. Maybe its one of those things. But maybe God is watching over me with a new blessing everyday. Although i saw my heart dangling right before my eyes- all bruised and held with some tape, day after another day...its seems to be slowly restoring. Piece by piece i'm starting to remember my carefree days- the things that i loved very dearly and the things i was passionate about slowly but surely coming back with crazy glue & nike shoe laces. I feel like its almost molding into a new & better shape, even better than a heart like a giraffe, a jimmy chu flat or even a sneaker- i just want to feel new & have the same luster i've had before . I'm beginning to control the sad emotions internally & put myself in a state where all i want to do is live- live well. It sounds really dumb, but i feel like the soundtrack of my life is starting to take on a different rotation with all these crazybeautiful tracks but line by line, verse by verse- i'm slowly coming together.
Yes, i am very confused, Yes, i don't know what to do with myself and yes, i'm so emotionally exhausted, but, there's a tiny part of me that is still willing to love, love my Lord, love thyself and love someone else unconditionally- allowing someone to get to know me the way i am supposed to be & not want to change any of it. In my heart, it has its room for forgiveness among other things & lately, thanks yous and apologies have been happening, & i feel like its almost okay to breathe again. like its almost okay to smile . maybe, it'll take it from here.