numero once.

trey songz- missin' you .



[shirt_less]

so yes, i'm still sort of in that "i miss you, why did you leave me" phase. But i stopped calling & started to let myself go. Started to do all the listen to ultra emo love songs, spend days lying down doing absolutely nothing and etc etc etc. But seriously, i couldn't even actually take the days off because of nursing & after the breakup a 72 also was a consequence. So i feel like lately i've just been dead. Really just floating and had no real feeling in my heart; numb i guess you can say. He says its not a break; he doesn't believe in breaks so we break up and he's the one that's literally dangling my heart in my face. I feel like i'm watching myself dwindle- dwindle into something that i can't get myself out of. THIS ISN'T HIGH SCHOOL. i'm not zoila nelson, i'm not her. You don't just break someone's heart and then be jolly at the the fact that we're going to get back togther. I feel like a TOOL. a big fat tool. how does anyone do that? How do people put love on hold. say, " hold on, you're pissing me off. so lets date others..and then we'll get back ". I don't feel worth it. You know why ? because he acts like we'll get back together. That he does not need to change and that he knows that he has it in the bag. He doesn't treat me like i'm precious & for once, i finally understand that he rests on the fact that i will always be there. He loves me because i'm there, not because he'd be lost without me. He fails to realize that he doesn't even know the amount of my heart that i've put in this relationship. He's freebied his way through his life, and i feel like i'm not worth much. I don't think i've wasted any part of my love on him, but i feel like i am the waste of time . Its been about weeks since the breakup & i'm still tearing at night & i still lie on the floor listening to those emo songs.