chaotic

im turing 21 in leass than a week. Tell me why i've been falling apart then. This emester has been nothing but trial after rejection after heartache after disappointment & all i can say is, " please just help me get through this safely".

The semester has brought me through the inevitable breaku, which to let you know, i still terrorize myself for and still also blame myself for.

The rejection of the the internships- omg, i've never felt more inadequate for the rest of my life. My life is already been set and yet, i don't feel like i'm up to par with what i should be doing.

my grades have been all mediocre. I know i'll pass, but what ever happened to the succeeding april? the one who will study like no tomorrow because her life DOES DEPEND ON IT.

im going home next week on a attempt to regain myself. my 21st. the legal age. The one age that to be honest, i'm not looking forward to for the drinking. I don't even look 21, i still look like i'm in hs.

i feel so discombobulated & frustrated with myself. Yesterday, since i had a day off, i just walked around alot and thought alot to myself about what is going to happen to me if i don't get with it- but is there anytime left?

I believe in so many people to do their greatest because if they don't they'll never full enjoy life. Im still sitting here, blogging, trying to figure out how to unleash that greatest again.

ive danced, and sang and partied recently- but still, nothing means more to me than just doing well in this school, in my life.

im scared guys, i really am.

Dear Lord,
i want to go back to the heart of worship.

amen.