as i sit in the living room belonging to new jersey, i cant help but finally be happy at the fact that i am using a computer that will not freeze on me.
ive made so many mistakes in my life & everyday i try my hardest to not regret them. Its to the point where i can actually sit in my room on my days off contemplating EXACTLY what i did or did not do wrong. Some things im not really sure if i am at fault or not & at other aspects, i know i royally fucked up.
Some people can't forgive. I, for one, am one of them. Well not entirely. I think it depends. I dont know the things i did wrong in my prayer group, in buffalo, in staten island... everywhere. but i cant get them to forgive me, and i cant me to forgive myself.
i am now taking celexa and xanax and to control myself. to control the emotions, to control the anxiety, to control my life. it hurts. well, not tooo much anymore. i kinda just feel numb. to everything.
but atleast work is going alright. & im losing weight- in some twisted, " i only eat pinkberry" diet way.
im trying, but im still aching.
G0d, i need YOU.
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