its not helping.

nothing is helping. im helpless. im nervousanxiousscaredfrightenedweirdedoutsick..everything.

safe to say, im back in buffalo again. alone. no one is in my apartment. no one called to hang. im alone. yes it is the 1st day, but to be honest- for my 1st day back i didn't think id be seeing them so soon.

right now.. im re thinking, re evaluating, re-EVERYTHING. school, friends, myself, family, loves. im falling apart. i can't stop crying. i can't stop feeling overwhelemed. i can't stop it. and im alone.


i literally threw almost everything out in my room. i threw clothes, notebooks, shoes, journals, photos, gitz and gadgets.i was cleaning and cleaning and i didn't know why, cos im looking at it right now & im still all cluttered with all these blank white walls.

i don't want to call anyone cos i don't want to bother anyone. but really. i feel alone & i want to be held.

Dear Lord,

Ive been taught by you that you won't give me anything i can't handle. Im trying really hard with everything you give me. Lord, you can give me any trial- but i just ask you Lord to just ease the loneliness, to ease the overwhelmingness, to have the tears be wiped away. I love you.


.me,