"the truth shall set you free"
"you did the right thing"
"it may hurt now, but if you told him later, he would never talk to you again"

2nd week of school has been nothing but hectic hectic hectic. Saturday mornong i woke up at 7am to catch a bus to go to south for my SPT at 9am. Too freakin' bad that the TA wasnt there. So i walked to HSLibrary to take my online exams-- but the media room was closed. Now i'm just pissed. Walked back to Kimball and the TA was there later on-- took the test & passed. Then went to the library to finally take my online exams & that took about 2 1/2 hrs. Passed and did well. At this point, i wanted to crawl into bed with a big mac or something. Nothing for breakfast or for lunch. Headed back to north and cooked myself a huge ass meal-- wanted to unstress and unwind.

Went on the computer and saw "disappointed" WTF. Now i'm horribly angry. He calls later to tell me he misses me- thats all. He finally has the decency to tell me how he feels after we broke up. He finally realized that he hurt me so much, he finally realized that i was something of worth. Only to find out that i am worth nothing for what i did. I confessed that i shared myself with someone. I let someone enter my life and take what was his. I cheated. I finally burst out and told him the truth because i didn't deserve that sort of praise. I let that stupid girl get to me, i let her words, her entries, her rumors get me and i cheated. I felt like everything had literally just peeled off my body and all was left was bone. I felt like i shot him straight in the chest.

I barely had moved from my room. I lost all motivation to do work. Gisun came by and Henry dragged me so i can watch him dance- but i went back to room and just sulked. I didn't cry, i didn't whine, i didn't reason. I just took it all. Don't say that i didn't love him, because i have him in my heart- i just let myself become stupid. I just let myself go because i felt like he let me go. He may say he never stooped low like i did, but with all the fights and being mistreated, the lies, and all the things he put me through- i guess you can say it evens up. But its not an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. I worked so hard for 2 1/2 years-- maybe even longer, and literally just broke all of that.

I have lost all motivation & lost all hope right now. I feel like im about to implode. Ive been praying and hoping that through the next few days that school will snap me back.

Lord- help me through what I have done. I just wanted to be truthful. I wanted to just be free.

Forgive me.