& i pray...

Dear Lord,
Its been a while since ive spoken to you, and I want to let you know that right now i don't know what i am doing. I feel so confused and i feel like i am sort of losing direction to where and what i want in life. I kind of feel like im losing grip- i need something sustaining, something fruitful, positive and something that makes me breathe easy.

WHAT AM I DOING?

im doing this blind sighted. whole heartedly- but blindsighted.

So i pray, i pray for not a miracle, but for guidance- for an opportunity to regain focus, to regain strength and to regain balance. Father, please take this leap with me. Please protect from any harm, and most of all- hold me close.


in this i pray.

amen.

eleven oh five

its been such a long time since ive written here, ever since the incident of breaking someone into a million pieces. Now im stuck in a perdicament.

Grudges.

its one thing to have them against people, but to have them on you- now thats a different story. Ive learned throughout all my relationships that if youre mad at a person, to NOT hold it-- especially in a relationship. Too bad, i did the opposite. im holding the biggest grudge right now and its killing me. And now, someone is holding a grudge on me and its hurting me even more. Its like that feeling when youre in bed with someone and theyre facing the opposite way, AT THE OTHER side of the bed. Its the way it feels that when you know youre wrong, and you try to say sorry-- and they dont accept it. Maybe i got into this wayy too fast. I complain of people hurting me-- but what if i am just hurting myself? What if i am just wasting my time, hurting instead of living. What if the person i am falling for is not supposed to be the one im falling for? ..grudges.


maybe i just hold a grudge against myself.