difficult to recover.

FINAL : Nursing 470 8AM [ December 15th, 2008]


Ive been in the library since 230pm and i can barely study- reading, but not really reading. Right now, all i can think about is how i am so close to graduating. I am finally leaving this place in one semester. I mean, Buffalo has taught me so much in regards of reality and what it plans to smack me around with. [ geared up, come and get me]

This semester was just full of its ups and downs, fews and far betweens and all that cream filling in the middle. I am not going to regret anything that was of here- things ive started and ended, things ive lost and things i never got to finish. I finally learned to accept the responsibility for my actions and take all consequences with full force.

They know and well as I do that my past is not the best. Actually, its pretty sad. From lying to my parents, to cheating- jumping from guy to guy to make myself feel better. For keeping my mouth shut and for keeping it open too long [eww, no sexual innuendo intended]..but mainly for allowing myself to let everyone else get to me.

In BLD, we learn that God always forgives and that its you, yourself who does not forgive. It is you that needs to be able to say sorry to yourself and forgive yourself- truly and completely. That is my biggest problem, being able to forgive myself for all the things ive done to others and especially myself. If i were another person looking at me then i would even turn away from myself. That's what i think it is- i hold this heaviness because i am too scared to forgive myself. I am too scared to be happy because i am too mad at myself.

From recent events, ive learned that controlling my temper and forgiveness is the key to keeping everything intact. That it is okay to make mistakes, and it is okay for others to make mistakes too. I am learning- slowly. Its funny how people still manage to love you despite your flaws. I find myself always smiling when one tells you the things that youre not used to hearing-- like the whole hearted i love you, or i missed you. Don't worry- i miss you & love you too. my heart is feeling it... its just shy, i guess.



"i forgive you, aprildawncaterinagaringosantos"













i want someone to listen closely. [ let me sing my song to you]