Saturday, February 21
Sunday, February 8
2 months.
as of 12:00 AM today, it had come to me that today marks the 2 months before i say see you at graduation Buffalo, hello Memorial Sloan- Kettering Cancer Institute. See, for the last bits and pieces of the UB School of Nursing curriculum we must choose a hospital to do our preceptorship for 4 weeks, equivalent to 120 hours of being a nurse. We were allowed to do it anywhere we wanted, or anywhere that actually would take us. So my top three choices were Memorial Sloan- Kettering, Mt. Sinai Hospital and Robert Wood Johnson. I received my 1st choice and alas i will be heading back to downstate to fulfill my final requirement before i finally become a graduate of 2009 here at UB. Don't get me wrong, i still have my 10 grueling weeks left of clinical, lecture, seminar and management but i can finally say it, " i am REALLY almost there"
from references to signed_velocious & sassy_santos & even x_luminosity, my stay here in Buffalo has had its extremes of downs & beautiful ups. However, I will not forget all that Buffalo has taught me so far & what it still has left in store for me before i leave. I hope i can take all i can and learn as much as i can to prepare me for the world outside the campus walls and outside the soft sheets of the Santos household.
I am not fixated on the fact that I am graduating and leaving everything & everyone here. I think i am moving forward and i need to make sure my mind, heart and spirit is moving forward as well. I slowly am getting myself back to the way i used to be prior to the broken heart, but part of me still feels a bit dead from all the hurt and pain and as much as a itry to revive it-- it only has its one way to be alive again, but I, myself, am not the answer to this puzzle. Someone has the answer, someone has that key & someone needs to find me.
I will miss the few lovers i have here and the ones that have stayed by my side since the beginning of the downfall in my life, but know that i will never forget them. If anything, i just keep them with me at all times, remembering the times they gave those famous hugs, and came to me when i fell to pieces, and times when they wiped my tears, or cried with me, or even the times they held my hand and made me laugh so hard that i couldnt move my jaw. Those are the few i can never forget and hold their memory so dear to me.
I wont forget the ones that also have hurt me so much either, teaching me that sometimes that you either gotta fight harder or not fight at all because maybe, just maybe, its not your battle to fight--but theirs.
So these next two months, i pray for the best next greatest 2 months of college i could ever have- embracing opportunities to make my day a little brighter and little less stressful. I expect nothing but the best because i know i deserve the best, as well as everyone in the world. EVERYONE IN THIS WORLD DESERVES THE BEST IN EVERYTHING THAT THEY ENCOUNTER, the best for them as well as the best for me.
So i humbly ask to protect me, Father.
from references to signed_velocious & sassy_santos & even x_luminosity, my stay here in Buffalo has had its extremes of downs & beautiful ups. However, I will not forget all that Buffalo has taught me so far & what it still has left in store for me before i leave. I hope i can take all i can and learn as much as i can to prepare me for the world outside the campus walls and outside the soft sheets of the Santos household.
I am not fixated on the fact that I am graduating and leaving everything & everyone here. I think i am moving forward and i need to make sure my mind, heart and spirit is moving forward as well. I slowly am getting myself back to the way i used to be prior to the broken heart, but part of me still feels a bit dead from all the hurt and pain and as much as a itry to revive it-- it only has its one way to be alive again, but I, myself, am not the answer to this puzzle. Someone has the answer, someone has that key & someone needs to find me.
I will miss the few lovers i have here and the ones that have stayed by my side since the beginning of the downfall in my life, but know that i will never forget them. If anything, i just keep them with me at all times, remembering the times they gave those famous hugs, and came to me when i fell to pieces, and times when they wiped my tears, or cried with me, or even the times they held my hand and made me laugh so hard that i couldnt move my jaw. Those are the few i can never forget and hold their memory so dear to me.
I wont forget the ones that also have hurt me so much either, teaching me that sometimes that you either gotta fight harder or not fight at all because maybe, just maybe, its not your battle to fight--but theirs.
So these next two months, i pray for the best next greatest 2 months of college i could ever have- embracing opportunities to make my day a little brighter and little less stressful. I expect nothing but the best because i know i deserve the best, as well as everyone in the world. EVERYONE IN THIS WORLD DESERVES THE BEST IN EVERYTHING THAT THEY ENCOUNTER, the best for them as well as the best for me.
So i humbly ask to protect me, Father.
Sunday, February 1
sunday morning.
so here i am, once again at Capen, making an attempt to do a until 12oclock study session for myself. Seriously, i do not know what is going but my head is not straight. I feel constantly tired, anxious and feeling so lackadasical. It's odd. I mean, I could put my finger on the reasons why this could be happening but then again it leads all back to me-- letting it all get to me.
Last night I went to a breakdancing competition in downtown, Buffalo. No lie, i loved it. I had went with Nancy and met up with my friend Andy there, and even ended up seeing my future aasu dancers too. It started about 730ish and ended about 1145 however no complaints here because it was awesome. I had a great time bonding with Nancy and the others and just watching the dancers strutting their stuff. I give them massive props for practicing hours upon hours and the DJ spinning all those tracks was great too. The atmosphere was a 2nd floor dance studio where there was graffiti on the wall and just a bunch of mirrors that were leaning against the wall along with a bookcase of old vinyl records like Supertramp and Le Freak. The people there were nice and all were friendly with one another- coming from Syracuse, Canada, Rochester and my temporary hometown Buffalo. I saw massive amount of pop & lockers displaying their own personal flavor to each hit and snap, kick and pump- massive props to Poppin Fresh and Fusion for making it to the finals. Then the breakers themselves were great-- all of them b-boys and b-girls were doing stances like no tomorrow and their footwork was ridiculous. All were exentuating moves that wowed the audience from windmills, gorillas, babies, scissorkicks and even mister nomolos [solomon backward] ran on the pillar and didnt a flying flip kick & landed doing a windmill straight after. HA, i creamed my panties. Congrats to nomolos for winning that. And we even had little baby breakers ranging from ages 8 -13 that went against the older ones,and that was amazing. Like nancy said, they have such POTENTIAL. My favorites of the night was purplepantswutangclanman[ dont know his name] cos he was just completely sick and J.Woo who just was amazing.
Overall, last night was a learning experience. I had a great time but i dont know what knockin' my brain back and forth, but i hope it leaves my head soon because i need to do well on this exam on Tuesday. So instead of blogging, i should be studying the binder to my left, soo i'll head out.
Love Letters of Great Men by John C. Kirkland; i want this book. Valentine's day is coming up but barely anyone reads this. Hmm, but i think valentine's is the one day where people can make up for their wrongdoing to their love ones. Its one day that people can't forget because its soo highly advertised and our own personal anniversaries are not. In all honestly, everyday should be the perfect opportunity to make up for wrongdoings. That's why there is no point in waiting for new years to start a fresh, every morning, every minute and every second is another opportunity to changes ourselves for the better. I try to take every opportunity to make myself better and although i feel ive gained enough failed attempts, im still trying to make myself better for myself.
Dear God,
Please screw my head back in place and help me able to really use the day You bless me with effectively and whole- heartedly. Help me Lord to please stop feeling so sad and all punch-drunk love aspect. I'd really like to smile again, and not be afraid to smile. I pray that i stay close with my beloveds & Lord, I thank you for everything. I really do, from every trial to tear and from every smile and laugh-- it is all truly thanks to you. I know that although I am not fully up to par yet, I know that eventually i'll get there and hopefully I can be as strong as You always tended for me to be. Protect me from all those that are bringing me down and push me to move forward without looking back. I love you.
In this i pray,
Amen.
ps. STOP PLAYING OVER AND OVER IN MY HEAD. THAT STUPID SONG AND THAT STUPID NIGHT; ITS DRIVING ME NUTS; STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP.STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP. i am going insane. [ GOD, please give me my peace of mind]
oohhhhh. 820pm
gerberas. gerberas. gerberas & green tea lemonade with strawberry + classic syrup & the corniest thing you could think of [ ha, im a weiner.]
Last night I went to a breakdancing competition in downtown, Buffalo. No lie, i loved it. I had went with Nancy and met up with my friend Andy there, and even ended up seeing my future aasu dancers too. It started about 730ish and ended about 1145 however no complaints here because it was awesome. I had a great time bonding with Nancy and the others and just watching the dancers strutting their stuff. I give them massive props for practicing hours upon hours and the DJ spinning all those tracks was great too. The atmosphere was a 2nd floor dance studio where there was graffiti on the wall and just a bunch of mirrors that were leaning against the wall along with a bookcase of old vinyl records like Supertramp and Le Freak. The people there were nice and all were friendly with one another- coming from Syracuse, Canada, Rochester and my temporary hometown Buffalo. I saw massive amount of pop & lockers displaying their own personal flavor to each hit and snap, kick and pump- massive props to Poppin Fresh and Fusion for making it to the finals. Then the breakers themselves were great-- all of them b-boys and b-girls were doing stances like no tomorrow and their footwork was ridiculous. All were exentuating moves that wowed the audience from windmills, gorillas, babies, scissorkicks and even mister nomolos [solomon backward] ran on the pillar and didnt a flying flip kick & landed doing a windmill straight after. HA, i creamed my panties. Congrats to nomolos for winning that. And we even had little baby breakers ranging from ages 8 -13 that went against the older ones,and that was amazing. Like nancy said, they have such POTENTIAL. My favorites of the night was purplepantswutangclanman[ dont know his name] cos he was just completely sick and J.Woo who just was amazing.
Overall, last night was a learning experience. I had a great time but i dont know what knockin' my brain back and forth, but i hope it leaves my head soon because i need to do well on this exam on Tuesday. So instead of blogging, i should be studying the binder to my left, soo i'll head out.
Love Letters of Great Men by John C. Kirkland; i want this book. Valentine's day is coming up but barely anyone reads this. Hmm, but i think valentine's is the one day where people can make up for their wrongdoing to their love ones. Its one day that people can't forget because its soo highly advertised and our own personal anniversaries are not. In all honestly, everyday should be the perfect opportunity to make up for wrongdoings. That's why there is no point in waiting for new years to start a fresh, every morning, every minute and every second is another opportunity to changes ourselves for the better. I try to take every opportunity to make myself better and although i feel ive gained enough failed attempts, im still trying to make myself better for myself.
Dear God,
Please screw my head back in place and help me able to really use the day You bless me with effectively and whole- heartedly. Help me Lord to please stop feeling so sad and all punch-drunk love aspect. I'd really like to smile again, and not be afraid to smile. I pray that i stay close with my beloveds & Lord, I thank you for everything. I really do, from every trial to tear and from every smile and laugh-- it is all truly thanks to you. I know that although I am not fully up to par yet, I know that eventually i'll get there and hopefully I can be as strong as You always tended for me to be. Protect me from all those that are bringing me down and push me to move forward without looking back. I love you.
In this i pray,
Amen.
ps. STOP PLAYING OVER AND OVER IN MY HEAD. THAT STUPID SONG AND THAT STUPID NIGHT; ITS DRIVING ME NUTS; STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP.STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP. i am going insane. [ GOD, please give me my peace of mind]
oohhhhh. 820pm
gerberas. gerberas. gerberas & green tea lemonade with strawberry + classic syrup & the corniest thing you could think of [ ha, im a weiner.]
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