limited time only.

you work. work so hard. to have things go according to plan. making sure every decision is precise and correct to adjust themselves to the little corners of our very lives. You make every decision based on its idealistic consequences and cross your fingers for the best.

But when things dont go according to the way its supposed to, those corners don't seem to hit perfection anymore. Everything is out of place, you feel a bit queasy, and overall time always feels like its flashed forward so quick that you dont even know what hit you.

So you adjust to the new change, even when change is not welcome and again you have idealistic hopes and once again, cross your fingers for the best.

But what if its not you? What if its around you- the environment, the people. You make a decision HOPING it would turn out for the best and then turns to complete shit, and to make matters worst, everything else decides to fall on you.

Then you nit- pick and blame everything on your own. You question and analyze non-stop all the things that could've happen, or should've happen but didn't happen.

But through all that time of never truly accepting whats in front of you and never trying to adjust what can be changed, you waste all precious time that could be used for something a bit more reconstructive.

In all honesty, i dont have much time left here in buffalo and if people can't get through little arguments and tension then next thing you know it, i'll be gone before anything can be reconciled. I can face the sad glares and the awkward stares. I can face the silent treatment and i can face whatever else is thrown. But what i dont want to face is someone failing to realize that im right here, right now and trying so hard to make the best of things before i leave.

I used to hate buffalo, and now i dont want to go home because i don't want to face the hurt that the tristate area has given me. Yes, suffering is a part of life- but just for the next few months, i'd like to just stay steady and focus and stop getting knocked over but heinous people.


Im right here, right now- please, don't wait until im gone. I can't take time back and for every second i type this, its another second i am still not with you. and i mean w i t h y o u.


God,
i just pray for warmth and love. your love.



forever and a day,
april dawn