current rotation: Amy Winehouse //+ Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow
so we've made it 7 months one week ago. yay. I guess i wanna write
c l o s e [v. klohz; adj., adv. klohs or, for 51, klohz; n. klohz for 59, 60, 63–65, 67, 68, klohs for 61, 62, 66] Show IPA verb, closed, clos⋅ing, adjective, clos⋅er, clos⋅est, adverb, noun: having the parts or elements near to one another: a close formation of battleships. to bring together the parts of; join; unite (often fol. by up): Close up those ranks! The surgeon closed the incision. close ranks, to unite forces, esp. by overlooking petty differences, in order to deal with an adverse or challenging situation; to join together in a show of unity, esp. to the public.
i told Steven that before he leaves for school for us to be close. We had a talk last Friday about being close and about trying to rekindle what we were before, before the fights, disagreements and whatever else. After he left for Florida, i realized that we can't go back to the past. It doesn't dictate the future of our relationship but the past does heavily influence the present. Its just become our nature that we're not that talkative anymore. We ask each other how our days are and we say our love yous and whatnot however, sometimes its just complete silence whether together or on the phone.
I admit it, i wish we did talk more and I know that he verbalized that too. But as the days have gone by, silence between us isn't bad. Ive always come to think that silence was bad, but silence isnt that bad. Maybe we're that couple that may not need words all the time to convey a "good loving" relationship. Maybe the silence is the okay that we're in the clear so stuff huffing and puffing you two and go on your merry way. Silence is comforting when he's around. Maybe its the unspoken language of love or something. A long time ago, a friend said, " i want my lover to be the girl that i can talk to for hours in a room with nothing but a bed and we just lie there for hours talking about everything and anything or lying down, hand in hand, saying nothing at all and yet, feel perfectly close"
I guess, I just get so caught up sometimes that fact that he's leaving again for Buffalo in a few months. It terrifies me. We dont get to see eachother much throughout the week and we're both sorta okay due to circumstances but being months apart and 6-8 hours away is a big more strenuous. I guess i feel that whole, " we're gonna be strangers, and he'll be in his world and i'll be in my world and we'll lose touch with each other". In fact sometimes, I feel we dont see eye with another and hence why it leads me back to the communication thing. But yes, I am completely and utterly afraid of all that will come once he drives back up to school. I think ive been hiding it and pretending that the idea doesnt exist. He may think that i think about it 24/7 but i actually ignore it all the time to prevent myself from crying and feeling sad about it. I actually lie to myself all the time about him leaving so that I can just focus on right now, and what happening in the current.
So rewind back...we may not be able to go in the past and be that couple where we talked and talked while barely we barely ate our expensive meals or ate that disgusting gargonzola salad, but we can start afresh? start again? start anew? just start?
& to be close, last you said " i fail", i'm just telling you, "we're getting there"- you can't expect to be close with just phone calls, but being close is alot deeper and it may not necessarily be the action that is being done to be close, but the motivation behind it to be "close".
So i pray, Jesus- be the one that binds us together and let it be according to Your will. Let Go, and Let You. You're the only one that understands why im going through such great heights for this. Please keep me. In this I pray, Amen.
forever and a day,
aprildawn
i told Steven that before he leaves for school for us to be close. We had a talk last Friday about being close and about trying to rekindle what we were before, before the fights, disagreements and whatever else. After he left for Florida, i realized that we can't go back to the past. It doesn't dictate the future of our relationship but the past does heavily influence the present. Its just become our nature that we're not that talkative anymore. We ask each other how our days are and we say our love yous and whatnot however, sometimes its just complete silence whether together or on the phone.
I guess, I just get so caught up sometimes that fact that he's leaving again for Buffalo in a few months. It terrifies me. We dont get to see eachother much throughout the week and we're both sorta okay due to circumstances but being months apart and 6-8 hours away is a big more strenuous. I guess i feel that whole, " we're gonna be strangers, and he'll be in his world and i'll be in my world and we'll lose touch with each other". In fact sometimes, I feel we dont see eye with another and hence why it leads me back to the communication thing. But yes, I am completely and utterly afraid of all that will come once he drives back up to school. I think ive been hiding it and pretending that the idea doesnt exist. He may think that i think about it 24/7 but i actually ignore it all the time to prevent myself from crying and feeling sad about it. I actually lie to myself all the time about him leaving so that I can just focus on right now, and what happening in the current.
So rewind back...we may not be able to go in the past and be that couple where we talked and talked while barely we barely ate our expensive meals or ate that disgusting gargonzola salad, but we can start afresh? start again? start anew? just start?
& to be close, last you said " i fail", i'm just telling you, "we're getting there"- you can't expect to be close with just phone calls, but being close is alot deeper and it may not necessarily be the action that is being done to be close, but the motivation behind it to be "close".So i pray, Jesus- be the one that binds us together and let it be according to Your will. Let Go, and Let You. You're the only one that understands why im going through such great heights for this. Please keep me. In this I pray, Amen.
forever and a day,
aprildawn
* for those that dont understand, just know that its the faith & hope thats keeping me forward . Someone has to have faith. its my drive.
* and for Steven. I hope you're having fun in Florida. I miss you much and hope you're safe. It may only be 7 months, but we've been through alot plus more. May we have 7 more.. 7 months, 7 years, 7 centures..and so on & so forth. So will you still love me tomorrow?
* and for Steven. I hope you're having fun in Florida. I miss you much and hope you're safe. It may only be 7 months, but we've been through alot plus more. May we have 7 more.. 7 months, 7 years, 7 centures..and so on & so forth. So will you still love me tomorrow?
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