so this is it ...

its approximately 9:51pm, sunday, July 19th, 2009. I should be studying my last bits that i do not know but i decided to write in my blog prior to me going over my notebook and heading to bed.

i can do this. i can pass. i will pass. i will pass. i will pass.

its hard to be able to truly convey my feelings since my friend Nicole, that i met in my Kaplan class, has been drilling me nothing but positive notions about this exam [ thank you]. Today, I was able to reflect on myself and how far ive come these past years. Im not a selfish person in some ways, but i know that today was my selfish day. I was able to do about 90 more questions in my handy dandy notebook but today i really just let all the feelings run through me. From the beginning to waking up to my snoring boyfriend, to then going to church with Katie and her family, since my parents were gone for the day, and then heading to Perkins to eat strawberry crepes [with a side of bacon]. Once i got home, i cleaned and just sat on the couch with the television on and me just sitting still.

I went for a walk around sundown and didnt really think about anything but just breathed- Focused on the information that i came to see in the books and books and books i studied from and then started thinking about how much id really love to eat some spring rolls right now. Then i started just thinking about how im going to make my family proud, make my alma mater proud and make myself proud and especially God proud.

i may sound awkward making this exam a big deal, and people may not understand why its such a big deal. This test is the 4 years i sacrified in buffalo for. This is what my mother worked her extra hours, stretching and every single penny for me for. This is what i took tests on, and woke up for clinicals for, and wore see-through white scrubs for. This is what the rest of my life depends on. My hard work and my accomplishments are right here in front of me. I am defining myself. [& im still spinning circles ;)]


So even if some bad things have happened these past few weeks, and even if some people may not be there for me through this time, and even if i lose sleep and spend over $100 bucks in coffee/strawberry lemonade and panera and a pizza pretzels, i will get through this.

i will pass, i will succeed and i will get through this.


Dear Lord,

Stay by my side. I lay everything that is not of you down at your feet. I am ready and geared to take this exam with the confidence and knowledge ive built. Through you, I can do anything. I love you so much. Lord- thank you for the most wonderful parents- especially my mom- many many kudos to her. In this I pray,
Amen.




Its all written in heaven.

whats your definition?

Love is you+// Chrisette Michele

I should be reading. I should be doing questions because my exam is close but i wanted to write this prior to my studying. Its time to reflect the fourth of 2009.

Thanks to Evelyn and for her covering for me, I was able to spend the weekend with Steven. I was able to meet a few of his paddling friends with their bbq and then spent the next day, which was our anniversary, watching a movie and going to a park and then going to this really pretty site where we got to see the bridge there in queens.

It was a beautiful weekend minus him pissing me off in front of his family and me imploding in his room to cool down. Common steven, a french fry? Despite it though, being with him makes me feel good. really good.

I remember when we were watching the fireworks on the rocks and holding him really tight. I made my decision, i guess, or did He? He's progressing and I really hope he thinks of me as worth it.

The days are starting to speed up and soon he'll be leaving back to Buffalo. Tears are already running down my face with the mere thought that he'll be gone. But he's always saying that its just me and only me and that he wont forget us. Im holding onto that. Im hoping that he wont let us fade.

Public Enemies was a swanky film- not the best with cinemotography however, the story line did follow and i did sincerely like it. a bit too long though. We watched that together. I like howq he kisses my head in the theatre- approximately a bajillion times. But the kisses felt sweet.

"what did i tell you?"
" dont come back for me, you'll get killed"
" what did i tell you"
" that you'll take care of me"
" then thats all you have to know"


happy fourth.


so now its time to buckle down, time to be on the grind. Pray that I take this challenge on with confidence and that i pass my exam. God- thank you for everything, for being my everything.


with love,
aprildawn.

oula la.

happy anniversary steven.
as i watch you play ping pong with oula, i just hope you know i care so much and i love you with all my heart <33


i hope you know that im so in love with you.

shit.

1. PASS nclex.
2. study hard to PASS nclex
3. lose weight to look good for photo when i PASS nclex.


i feel like shit.