GospelMt 9:9-138
As Jesus passed by,he saw a man named Matthew sitting at the customs post.He said to him, "Follow me."And he got up and followed him.While he was at table in his house,many tax collectors and sinners cameand sat with Jesus and his disciples.The Pharisees saw this and said to his disciples,"Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?"He heard this and said,"Those who are well do not need a physician, but the sick do.Go and learn the meaning of the words,I desire mercy, not sacrifice.I did not come to call the righteous but sinners."
& i pray <3
Monday, September 21
Friday, September 18
neologisms.
I had written the title of this entry a few days ago when i was doing a practice question for the NCLEX. However, it related to more than just another fact that must be stored into my head...
Neologisms: according to NCLEX4000, is the act of making up words or combining words creating new ones. See, i have this weird thing- i have my own secret language. Only some have actually heard it and only a few have deemed to understand it. I sound like a crazy person, after all the word is usually used for a psychiatric patient but, in this case it was something a bit more interesting.
Friday night- another shepherding session with Audrey. We spoke about alot of different stuff at the Pantagis Diner and honestly, i dont remember alot of it except the feeling i had when i'm with my shepherd. I feel ultimately safe. Its a bit new for me, but i feel like God is really is close to me when i'm shepherding and yet, i still feel naked. Maybe thats what it is, im supposed to feel naked- to be naked when coming forth and giving up myself freely and whole-ly to Him. I realized that there was alot more hurt that lingered on in my mind, body, soul and heart than i thought- situations and people that i thought i forgave but maybe n ot have fully healed from.
"God made the world, but satan is running it"... i remember she told me that, and for a split second i doubted but then again- she's alright. SHEESH [ just kidding] but its true. I must be able to unbind myself from the shackles that i created and have myself fit to be with God and God only. See, she spoke about how the shackles that hold us back from being with Jesus is actually shackles that we let ourselves hold onto. So, from that day on, ive been trying to figure out about the whole shackles thing- trying to find the key to unshackle myself, but maybe there isnt a key. Maybe when i created them, i didnt make a safety exit out or a spare. Maybe i " threw away my key"... but i know that there is a way out--- going through it. all of it.
Oh, back to the whole neologisms thing. So yea, i figured out that my secret language that i can speak verbally is mine- and the only one that can understand it is Him. Funny part is, i dont even understand it. Then there's that language between my heart and His heart. The one that beats in the same accordance and knows every corner and ever dent of my beating organ. As blood flows into my heart, He flows.
"Nothing is ever fake when it comes to Him" I sometimes worry that all this that is coming into my head is not of Him and i'm faking it throughout, but Dan Wong (thank God for wrestler BFF) said that its not fake and that to always believe in Him & to never doubt.
This is my prayer-
Heavenly Father,
As i sit here in Panera with the sounds of orders being taken and the clanging of utensils upon plates, i hear nothing but the song in my heart that is currently on rotation. I can only imagine, when all i will do is forever, forever worship you...Its so loud right now but yet the only thing i can hear and feel is this trembling i get when i feel when i am with you. You are the Abba Father and the one who makes my heart beat senselessly. I humbly come before you today to stay with me as i continue on this journey & to guide me to what is of You and only You. Please Lord, tell me what is right and the right, I will follow. I never want to stray from You. I want to be with You, only You. I ask you Lord to close all the doors that is not of You, close all the doors of pain, agony, suffering, doubt, discouragement and anything else that gives off negative vibes and that causes me to not be able to use my eyes to really see You. Close Open the doors that are of You. Open the doors that lead me to the path where you want me on. I trust you, i put all my faith and trust in You. I offer my life and everything that is in it and lay it at the foot of the cross- it is all Yours now. I thank you Lord for taking care of everything. For being by my side and never letting me completely falter. Thank you for guiding me back to the heart of worship- as I walk closer and closer to it, I ask to always stay with you and please dont ever leave my side. I want to be where you are, in your dwelling place forever.
If there is a will, there's a way-- You are MY will, so there is THE way.
Forever & A Day,
Amen.
Neologisms: according to NCLEX4000, is the act of making up words or combining words creating new ones. See, i have this weird thing- i have my own secret language. Only some have actually heard it and only a few have deemed to understand it. I sound like a crazy person, after all the word is usually used for a psychiatric patient but, in this case it was something a bit more interesting.
Friday night- another shepherding session with Audrey. We spoke about alot of different stuff at the Pantagis Diner and honestly, i dont remember alot of it except the feeling i had when i'm with my shepherd. I feel ultimately safe. Its a bit new for me, but i feel like God is really is close to me when i'm shepherding and yet, i still feel naked. Maybe thats what it is, im supposed to feel naked- to be naked when coming forth and giving up myself freely and whole-ly to Him. I realized that there was alot more hurt that lingered on in my mind, body, soul and heart than i thought- situations and people that i thought i forgave but maybe n ot have fully healed from.
"God made the world, but satan is running it"... i remember she told me that, and for a split second i doubted but then again- she's alright. SHEESH [ just kidding] but its true. I must be able to unbind myself from the shackles that i created and have myself fit to be with God and God only. See, she spoke about how the shackles that hold us back from being with Jesus is actually shackles that we let ourselves hold onto. So, from that day on, ive been trying to figure out about the whole shackles thing- trying to find the key to unshackle myself, but maybe there isnt a key. Maybe when i created them, i didnt make a safety exit out or a spare. Maybe i " threw away my key"... but i know that there is a way out--- going through it. all of it.
Oh, back to the whole neologisms thing. So yea, i figured out that my secret language that i can speak verbally is mine- and the only one that can understand it is Him. Funny part is, i dont even understand it. Then there's that language between my heart and His heart. The one that beats in the same accordance and knows every corner and ever dent of my beating organ. As blood flows into my heart, He flows.
"Nothing is ever fake when it comes to Him" I sometimes worry that all this that is coming into my head is not of Him and i'm faking it throughout, but Dan Wong (thank God for wrestler BFF) said that its not fake and that to always believe in Him & to never doubt.
This is my prayer-
Heavenly Father,
As i sit here in Panera with the sounds of orders being taken and the clanging of utensils upon plates, i hear nothing but the song in my heart that is currently on rotation. I can only imagine, when all i will do is forever, forever worship you...Its so loud right now but yet the only thing i can hear and feel is this trembling i get when i feel when i am with you. You are the Abba Father and the one who makes my heart beat senselessly. I humbly come before you today to stay with me as i continue on this journey & to guide me to what is of You and only You. Please Lord, tell me what is right and the right, I will follow. I never want to stray from You. I want to be with You, only You. I ask you Lord to close all the doors that is not of You, close all the doors of pain, agony, suffering, doubt, discouragement and anything else that gives off negative vibes and that causes me to not be able to use my eyes to really see You. Close Open the doors that are of You. Open the doors that lead me to the path where you want me on. I trust you, i put all my faith and trust in You. I offer my life and everything that is in it and lay it at the foot of the cross- it is all Yours now. I thank you Lord for taking care of everything. For being by my side and never letting me completely falter. Thank you for guiding me back to the heart of worship- as I walk closer and closer to it, I ask to always stay with you and please dont ever leave my side. I want to be where you are, in your dwelling place forever.
If there is a will, there's a way-- You are MY will, so there is THE way.
Forever & A Day,
Amen.
Thursday, September 17
Wednesday, September 16
Stella Fransisco
Heavenly Father,
I humbly come before you asking you to please stay with my aunt- Stella Fransisco. She is the mother of 2 wonderful girls- Elaine and Gichell and the grandmother of 4 grandchildren- Dante, Christian, Alexander and Maritza. I know that she's very scared and she is so worried about everyrone else but i pray that You come to her and grant her peace. I know that she is very nervous about the double bipass surgery but i know that you will take care of her just ask you have taken care of all of us individually. I pray that my mother and my cousins give all their faith and prayers to you so that they all can cakn down and accept whatever may happen. I pray that you bless the hands that take care of her and for a safe and speedy recovery. I know that the road is not easy for the family, especially my aunt but i pray Lord, that you give her the strength to go through what she must go through and I pray that you Lord ease her tired soul and her hurting heart. I thank You so much for being the One and the Only in our lives. I ask you Lord to give even the smallest drop of your most precious blood upon my tita and to never leave her- calm her nerves, open her heart and Lord- i give this and lay it down at the foot of the cross.
In this i pray ,
Amen.
I humbly come before you asking you to please stay with my aunt- Stella Fransisco. She is the mother of 2 wonderful girls- Elaine and Gichell and the grandmother of 4 grandchildren- Dante, Christian, Alexander and Maritza. I know that she's very scared and she is so worried about everyrone else but i pray that You come to her and grant her peace. I know that she is very nervous about the double bipass surgery but i know that you will take care of her just ask you have taken care of all of us individually. I pray that my mother and my cousins give all their faith and prayers to you so that they all can cakn down and accept whatever may happen. I pray that you bless the hands that take care of her and for a safe and speedy recovery. I know that the road is not easy for the family, especially my aunt but i pray Lord, that you give her the strength to go through what she must go through and I pray that you Lord ease her tired soul and her hurting heart. I thank You so much for being the One and the Only in our lives. I ask you Lord to give even the smallest drop of your most precious blood upon my tita and to never leave her- calm her nerves, open her heart and Lord- i give this and lay it down at the foot of the cross.
In this i pray ,
Amen.
Monday, September 14
reflection
How humble was Jesus? Jesus is God and we must humble ourselves before Him, and yet He humbles himself before us! So says today's second reading. And the Gospel tells us that Jesus came DOWN from heaven. That's humility! Would you or I leave the comforts of heavenly perfection to enter into the bad, mean world to mingle with bad, mean people? Complaining is an indication that we've let our heavenly expectations push aside our earthly need to trust God. Worse, when we complain to others, we're spreading our distrust. To cure this, we should take our complaints directly to God. We need to let our complaints disappear into God's compassionate heart. Then our frustration dissipates. "Do not forget the works of the Lord," today's responsorial Psalm reminds us. Complaints mean that we've forgotten how much God is already blessing us. At such times, it's pride, not humility, that's controlling our attitudes. Did Jesus ever complain? He got upset sometimes, but He never complained, not even when they beat Him and nailed Him to the cross. Instead, He prayed for those who were the cause of His troubles: "Father, forgive them, because they don't know what they're doing." Because of this absolute love, we know without a doubt that "God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world." Lord, help us to humbly stop complaining and condemning, so that we can be holy like Jesus. Amen!
thanks shepherd for the email.
thanks shepherd for the email.
Friday, September 11
Extra butter
Im stuck. this damn exam is giving me a whirlwind of doubt and shame and all that good stuff. Along the side of the drama- filled relationship, Im just standing here. Everytime i think im doing something right in my life, or see that my life is not so bad- the bad becomes worse and the worse become horrible and et cetera, et cetera ,et cetera.
I have my first shepherding session in about an hour with Audrey. I dont want to pour my entire heart to her and have her freak out at me. Then again, ive been pouring out my heart and putting my heart on my sleeve and taking chances, gigantic leaps and end up still feel really alone and hurt half the time.
Here i am again at panera with another failing grade in life and all ican say is. Bring it. That's all i can say. Kanye did say that what dont kill me can only make me stronger. I just wish the stronger part came in alot sooner than later.
I will get through this. I really will. Even if it means to cut out the things and people i cherish the most to obtain it-- the few will understand and the others will probably freak. I just want someone to hold me right now and let me melt everything away. He is a promise maker and He will keep his promise. I know it, i know it.. i guess i just really have to believe it now. Its all or nothing now....
God.. make me melt.
I have my first shepherding session in about an hour with Audrey. I dont want to pour my entire heart to her and have her freak out at me. Then again, ive been pouring out my heart and putting my heart on my sleeve and taking chances, gigantic leaps and end up still feel really alone and hurt half the time.
Here i am again at panera with another failing grade in life and all ican say is. Bring it. That's all i can say. Kanye did say that what dont kill me can only make me stronger. I just wish the stronger part came in alot sooner than later.
I will get through this. I really will. Even if it means to cut out the things and people i cherish the most to obtain it-- the few will understand and the others will probably freak. I just want someone to hold me right now and let me melt everything away. He is a promise maker and He will keep his promise. I know it, i know it.. i guess i just really have to believe it now. Its all or nothing now....
God.. make me melt.
Monday, September 7
Ephphatha.
Mk 7:31-37
Again Jesus left the district of Tyreand went by way of Sidon to the Sea of Galilee,into the district of the Decapolis. And people brought to him a deaf man who had a speech impedimentand begged him to lay his hand on him.He took him off by himself away from the crowd. He put his finger into the man’s earsand, spitting, touched his tongue;then he looked up to heaven and groaned, and said to him,“Ephphatha!”— that is, “Be opened!” —And immediately the man’s ears were opened,his speech impediment was removed,and he spoke plainly. He ordered them not to tell anyone. But the more he ordered them not to,the more they proclaimed it. They were exceedingly astonished and they said,“He has done all things well. He makes the deaf hear and the mute speak.”
On Sunday at mass, Father Victor touched based upon howm as humans, we have the ability to hear with our ears. We even have a set of ears for even a better way to hear sounds, words, voice et cetera. However, as we all hear externally, we also can hear internally- our conscience for one thing- telling us whats right and wrong- to tell us to drive forward or slow down. We can also hear God- what he wants and what is truly right for us as individuals and as one with Him. Alas, its the aspect of listening. We hear people but do we ever listen? I, for one, do not listen to alot of things and honestly, choose to be blatantly oblivious to the world around me. I guess you can say i waste my eyes and my ears and only use my mouth to stick lots and lots of food instead of using my lips to really express myself - my needs and my wants ( Morely, His needs and His wants that fulfill me) But, it is time to be open. To not close everyone out, especially Him, but to be open- i have my brown eyes and my ears to listen and to see and to take in.
I took the time to really listen yesterday and today and also took the time to reflect what has been going on in the past week ever since he had left for school. I went to BLD and found myself wanting to sign up for LSS. I knew that I needed to talk to Stephanie but no matter how much i stray from BLD and still do the things i do, i realized that i do need God in my life and i just feel way too ashamed to let Him back in my life.
I found out that deaths do come in 3s- RIP Courtney Tirri, Christine Muriano and to the person that meant something to the secretary at Kaplan. I wasnt close to any of the three, if anything Courtney, I actually spent time with and for some odd reason, i feel her pain. Christine Muriano was a daughter of a newly graduated Solo Parent Encounter class. I didnt want to go to her wake since i felt that it wouldve been rude to have gone not knowing her at all whatsoever, but they were my ride and i needed to go to BLD this past friday. I ended up singing during the service and ending up crying alot. The story behind her death is really sad and estranged. I pray for the family. The last person was a random but still had my heart feeling sad. He had died at the age of 26 from Cystic Fibrosis- a respiratory and gastrointestinal disease that many people do not survive past the age of 21 years old. The relation was the secretary at Kaplan, I had spoken to her and I ended up consoling her about her friend and in the end, I did actually make her feel better. I pray for all three and pray that God will take care of the rest:)
Im starting the LSS process and my hearts been beating me senselessly. Im scared to get hurt, im scared to fail [again], im scared to fall apart, im scared to lose myself. Im scared that im lost and im just attaching myself to anything that just stands.
I've been roaming around, I was looking down at all
I see Painted faces fill the places
I can't reach
You know that I could use somebody
You know that I could use somebody
Someone like you
and all you know
and how you speak
Countless lovers under cover of the street
You know that I could use somebody
You know that I could use somebody
Someone like you
Off in the night while you live it up
I'm off to sleep
Waging wars to shake the poet and the beat
I hope it's gonna make you notice
I hope it's gonna make you notice
Someone like me,
someone like me
Someone like me,
somebody
I'm ready now,
I'm ready now
I'm ready now
I'm ready now
I'm ready now
I'm ready now
I'm ready now
Someone like you
somebody
Someone like you,
somebody
Someone like you
somebody
I've been roaming around,
I was looking down at all I see
<33 I really could use somebody. God- its just you and me.
Forever and a day,
April Dawn
Again Jesus left the district of Tyreand went by way of Sidon to the Sea of Galilee,into the district of the Decapolis. And people brought to him a deaf man who had a speech impedimentand begged him to lay his hand on him.He took him off by himself away from the crowd. He put his finger into the man’s earsand, spitting, touched his tongue;then he looked up to heaven and groaned, and said to him,“Ephphatha!”— that is, “Be opened!” —And immediately the man’s ears were opened,his speech impediment was removed,and he spoke plainly. He ordered them not to tell anyone. But the more he ordered them not to,the more they proclaimed it. They were exceedingly astonished and they said,“He has done all things well. He makes the deaf hear and the mute speak.”
On Sunday at mass, Father Victor touched based upon howm as humans, we have the ability to hear with our ears. We even have a set of ears for even a better way to hear sounds, words, voice et cetera. However, as we all hear externally, we also can hear internally- our conscience for one thing- telling us whats right and wrong- to tell us to drive forward or slow down. We can also hear God- what he wants and what is truly right for us as individuals and as one with Him. Alas, its the aspect of listening. We hear people but do we ever listen? I, for one, do not listen to alot of things and honestly, choose to be blatantly oblivious to the world around me. I guess you can say i waste my eyes and my ears and only use my mouth to stick lots and lots of food instead of using my lips to really express myself - my needs and my wants ( Morely, His needs and His wants that fulfill me) But, it is time to be open. To not close everyone out, especially Him, but to be open- i have my brown eyes and my ears to listen and to see and to take in.
I took the time to really listen yesterday and today and also took the time to reflect what has been going on in the past week ever since he had left for school. I went to BLD and found myself wanting to sign up for LSS. I knew that I needed to talk to Stephanie but no matter how much i stray from BLD and still do the things i do, i realized that i do need God in my life and i just feel way too ashamed to let Him back in my life.
I found out that deaths do come in 3s- RIP Courtney Tirri, Christine Muriano and to the person that meant something to the secretary at Kaplan. I wasnt close to any of the three, if anything Courtney, I actually spent time with and for some odd reason, i feel her pain. Christine Muriano was a daughter of a newly graduated Solo Parent Encounter class. I didnt want to go to her wake since i felt that it wouldve been rude to have gone not knowing her at all whatsoever, but they were my ride and i needed to go to BLD this past friday. I ended up singing during the service and ending up crying alot. The story behind her death is really sad and estranged. I pray for the family. The last person was a random but still had my heart feeling sad. He had died at the age of 26 from Cystic Fibrosis- a respiratory and gastrointestinal disease that many people do not survive past the age of 21 years old. The relation was the secretary at Kaplan, I had spoken to her and I ended up consoling her about her friend and in the end, I did actually make her feel better. I pray for all three and pray that God will take care of the rest:)
Im starting the LSS process and my hearts been beating me senselessly. Im scared to get hurt, im scared to fail [again], im scared to fall apart, im scared to lose myself. Im scared that im lost and im just attaching myself to anything that just stands.
I've been roaming around, I was looking down at all
I see Painted faces fill the places
I can't reach
You know that I could use somebody
You know that I could use somebody
Someone like you
and all you know
and how you speak
Countless lovers under cover of the street
You know that I could use somebody
You know that I could use somebody
Someone like you
Off in the night while you live it up
I'm off to sleep
Waging wars to shake the poet and the beat
I hope it's gonna make you notice
I hope it's gonna make you notice
Someone like me,
someone like me
Someone like me,
somebody
I'm ready now,
I'm ready now
I'm ready now
I'm ready now
I'm ready now
I'm ready now
I'm ready now
Someone like you
somebody
Someone like you,
somebody
Someone like you
somebody
I've been roaming around,
I was looking down at all I see
<33 I really could use somebody. God- its just you and me.
Forever and a day,
April Dawn
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
