Im stuck. this damn exam is giving me a whirlwind of doubt and shame and all that good stuff. Along the side of the drama- filled relationship, Im just standing here. Everytime i think im doing something right in my life, or see that my life is not so bad- the bad becomes worse and the worse become horrible and et cetera, et cetera ,et cetera.
I have my first shepherding session in about an hour with Audrey. I dont want to pour my entire heart to her and have her freak out at me. Then again, ive been pouring out my heart and putting my heart on my sleeve and taking chances, gigantic leaps and end up still feel really alone and hurt half the time.
Here i am again at panera with another failing grade in life and all ican say is. Bring it. That's all i can say. Kanye did say that what dont kill me can only make me stronger. I just wish the stronger part came in alot sooner than later.
I will get through this. I really will. Even if it means to cut out the things and people i cherish the most to obtain it-- the few will understand and the others will probably freak. I just want someone to hold me right now and let me melt everything away. He is a promise maker and He will keep his promise. I know it, i know it.. i guess i just really have to believe it now. Its all or nothing now....
God.. make me melt.
Eargasm
aprildawn santos
No fear. No distractions. The ability to let that which does not matter truly slide.
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