Billy Bookcase.

i assembled a bookshelf all by myself today . i need to keep moving forward .


Lord - let everything i do, and breathe i take and every step i go, glorify your name .


"more than you think ."

i crashed, burned and feel like im in ashes.


i feel like the worst person ever.



& i pray.

awkward phone calls & wang.

ive been trying to figure out how to verbalize the way ive been feeling lately & all that comes out are stutters, mumbled noises & big sighs. A friend told me that if i add the word, "hella" to my vernacular, i'd probably be able to finally say whats been couped up inside. i feel defeated. i said it, defeated. hella defeated.

as the days have gone by after LSS & the crazy trip to Buffalo, ive come to the conclusion that going back to studying is better said than done. So far, ive bought a book, which by the way- i havent opened, updated blogspot & ended up catching up on Ugly Betty episodes. Not too swift, april santos.

i ended up spending time with a close friend the other day & ended up going to the alba house and adoration chapel here on the island. we prayed & then headed over to panera to have our friend pow- wows we have once every few months. My friend has spoken about their struggles during nursing school & how his faith really really saved their butt. But their story was a pure example of how faith can truly move mountains. " Even at the last minute, even past the deadline, i was so close and then my aunt called. I gave it all to Him, April. Thank God"

I remember i had called another friend one time & ended up getting their vmail. I started writing in the journal Audrey gave me from the LSS & tried not writing so formally. I always feel obliged writing prayers so formal that i forget how to write so personal. I ended up getting a phone call from that friend & ended up talking for a while about everything and anything. Particularly, we started writing how communication today does not have the same effect as it did back then. No offense, texting & BBMing is great but getting something in the mailbox, to me, feels like getting gifts on christmas day. I was in the process of deep prayer when that whole conversation had happened. But after we hung up the phone, i felt refreshed. I started writing personal again. I started writing without using my eraser of my mechanical pencil and didnt stop writing until my heart was heard.

I know he hears me. I know that, that night my heart was heard. I feel like im pounding the insides of my being to be heard that night & part of me feels like im slowly breaking me through. " He's right there. "

Dear Father,
I praise and thank you for continuing to make the picture a bit clearer. I thank you for lighting the pathways that you want me to continue on. Thank you God for slowing me down in order for me to be humble & to truly cherish what you have done for me. i love you & those 3 words have my life written in them.
in this i pray, Amen.




Buong tiwala'y sayo. kayat gamitin ako. Dakilang Diyos =]