ive never been a "family person". However, i always admired the ones that were. My family structure rarely was a stable one but it was and still is a structure that has raised me and earned me my points in society 'til this day. Both my parental units have raised me the way they thought best- with stern discipline and lots of love- filled sacrifices. The Santos siblings- Jimmy & Cris, were more of the " you're on your own for this one, kid" type of people. They were 10 & 20 years older than I, so growing up felt more like 4 parents instead of two.
My 2 other cousins have been trying to be the outlet of my frustration- giving me opportunities to let go & let loose.
From fighting with them constantly & the loss of faith in me from the both of them, ive began to resent them in more ways than one. It's hard, really hard- effin' tough to love them unconditionally when you get 8am wake up calls of yelling, bantering in the afternoon & tears galore in the evening. It's not just them, i know that because of my negative attitude & my fear of failing not only myself but everyone around has brought me to this level where even the thought of "it" makes me queazy beyond belief.
But i know where they're coming from. I understand you mom & dad. I know when i'm hurting & when i'm scared, you're twice as scared. When my heart was first broken, you cried in the car with me until i stopped. When things seem so out of reach for me, you two are the ones that provide that booster stepper upper thing, so i can grab them not only with one but with both hands to make sure that that dream, that aspiration is safely secure & all mine. i love you both, whether i show it or not. Please forgive me, i forgive you.
Santos Household is the true definition of tough love & i wouldn't have it any other way.
My 2 other cousins have been trying to be the outlet of my frustration- giving me opportunities to let go & let loose.
From fighting with them constantly & the loss of faith in me from the both of them, ive began to resent them in more ways than one. It's hard, really hard- effin' tough to love them unconditionally when you get 8am wake up calls of yelling, bantering in the afternoon & tears galore in the evening. It's not just them, i know that because of my negative attitude & my fear of failing not only myself but everyone around has brought me to this level where even the thought of "it" makes me queazy beyond belief.
But i know where they're coming from. I understand you mom & dad. I know when i'm hurting & when i'm scared, you're twice as scared. When my heart was first broken, you cried in the car with me until i stopped. When things seem so out of reach for me, you two are the ones that provide that booster stepper upper thing, so i can grab them not only with one but with both hands to make sure that that dream, that aspiration is safely secure & all mine. i love you both, whether i show it or not. Please forgive me, i forgive you.
Santos Household is the true definition of tough love & i wouldn't have it any other way.
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